Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's nice having dogs that continuously warn me about the nothing outside.

   Say NO! to drugs. Say YES! to drugs. It really doesn't matter what you tell drugs because if you're talking to drugs, you're taking them.

   Confession: I ate all my hurricane snacks during the first two hours of the storm and I'm probably not the guy you want on your apocalypse team....

   Some guy called my girlfriend "ma'am" so now everybody's night is ruined.

   Just added "CLINGY" to my dating resume.

   If I had a militia we wouldn't occupy a federal building, we would occupy a Krispy Kreme.

   "your mother" is my response whenever someone talks to me in a language I dont understand.

   Hold your horses is my favourite thing to say to people who don't even have horses.

   Gonna miss my Obamaphone when He's gone .... But looking forward to my new Hillaryphone upgrade with the new Self Deleting Email, Welfare Check tracking & Get outta Jail Free features. She has thought of everything that us successful Millennials need!!

   Yeti has a beer coozie that will keep a beer cold for over an hour. I don't think they understand how beer drinking works.

   The firefighters' union announced that it was no longer supporting Hillary for president. You know your campaign's in trouble when firefighters are like, 'Even WE can't put out that many fires.'"

   "According to a new poll, Hillary Clinton has lost a third of her supporters since May. There's still debate as to whether she lost them or just deleted them from her database.

   I am fed up with all these incest jokes about us Kentuckians. It's offensive to me as well as Uncle Dad.

   Started to wear a wig at the gym so everyone thinks I am strong for a girl.

   Urinating on a jelly fish sting helps the pain. Urinating on a bee sting just makes your neighbor angry.

   I used to dream of that fairytale kind of love. Now I'll settle for someone who'll gain weight faster than me.

   So the presidential election is between a grandma who can't figure out her email and a grandpa who believes every spam he receives? Great.

   I think Hillary secretly wanted to go to prison so she could campaigin to all the black democrats

   I heard they're going to be opening up dentist offices in Walmart. They are even including an express lane for people with 10 teeth or less!

   Just found out the Tooth Fairy isn't real!!! ... Dammit ... So much for my retirement plan! BTW ... Is Bernie still running? .... He's my backup plan B. If not ... That lady promising me lotsa free stuff will have to do. She can also print money right?