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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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The more money you spend on a trip the less likely your kids will have a complete meltdown.
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07-05-2016 01:12
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This November I'm voting for the candidate who will bring back the original Four Loko recipe that killed those college kids.
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07-05-2016 01:15
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Sometimes say that I use Uber just to sound cool, when in reality I took the city bus.
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07-05-2016 01:17
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Only at the fair can you pay $500 for a $12 stuffed animal.
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07-05-2016 01:19
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July 4th: The celebration of liberating slave owning populations from their higher masters with dragons, oh wait that's Game of Thrones.
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07-05-2016 01:21
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The #1 asset in my portfolio right now is Bed, Bath, and Beyond coupons.
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07-05-2016 01:22
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I'm awesome cuz I can do 50 push-ups. Granted not at once and over 57 days.
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07-05-2016 01:24
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How's my day going? I just watched a fastest fish fillet competition video and had a rooting interest for one of the participants.
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07-05-2016 01:26
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Instagram is good for showing highlights from your day, but Snapchat brings to life all those boring, in-between moments no one cares about.
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07-05-2016 01:31
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You are less likely to kill your family during a long car trip if you are playing Travel BINGO.
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07-05-2016 01:34
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Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
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07-05-2016 01:34
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Just tried natural peanut butter. My week is off to a horrible start.
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07-05-2016 01:36
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Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
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07-05-2016 01:38
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1776: No Taxation Without Representation!!! 2016: No Commenting Without Liking!!!
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07-05-2016 01:39
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Suddenly wishing that I hadn't purchased the alien abduction insurance plan with a high deductible for all my camping trips this summer.
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07-05-2016 01:45
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FUN FACT: Hillary Spent More Time Taking Questions from FBI Than She Did from Reporters This Year
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07-05-2016 04:27
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The Duty of a true Patriot is to protect his country from it's government.
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07-05-2016 04:34
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I was just informed that The Purge: Independence Day is just a movie. Does anyone know a good defense attorney?
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07-05-2016 07:53
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If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.
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07-05-2016 11:29 by
udit
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I'm gonna party this weekend like its THE PURGE
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07-05-2016 15:02 by
Nate
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