Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   .... The Older I get the meaner I get .... I'm pretty sure within the next few years I'll be biting people.

   Hillary Clinton is the first person who identifies as a female to become the presumptive Democrat Party nominee. Although Bernie ran as a close second.

   The real question now is what are all these kids going to do with the Bernie tattoos? Maybe Hillary should offer a removal fee forgiveness plan....

   50 lbs of fruit flavored candy must be good for me right?

   I just got my ancestry.com DNA test back! So excited!!! Turns out I'm 61% Italian, 15% Irish, 10% Greek and 14% Alcohol.... Not bad for a Thursday morning!

   be smart, pretend to be stupid!

   Never had much use for a knight in shining armor but a fine looking man in a pair of Levis....that's a whole 'nother tale.

   The law of attraction is you will lick someone where they pee. . .

   A Rabbi asked me why we Catholics believe in Purgatory when there's no actual mention of it in the Bible. I told him it's the food. They serve both Angel Hair Pasta AND Devil's Food Chocolate Cake.

   .... Bacon ..... Proof God meant for us to eat meat!

   .... Just got rid of 200lbs of ugly fat ..... Got divorced.

   "Canadians are so polite" - people who have obviously never driven in Canada.

   Seriously, though... who in the blue hell is voting for Hillary?

   .... Something isn't wrong because it's Illegal ....... It's Illegal because it's Wrong!

   .... The new Battle Cry of today's American Politicians ..... "Damn the Constitution, ..... Full Speed Ahead!"

   .... When I die I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep ..... Not screaming like the passengers in the bus he was driving.

   I don't understand my co-workers. I am in IT, they are all Indian, and I LITERALLY cannot understand them.

   There are two kinds of people. People who will help me hide a body and people who ARE the body.

   Whenever my wife falls asleep in public I start slapping her and yelling "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!!" Then people cheer and applaud when she wakes up.

   2016 and we've yet to see the 3 breasted woman from Total Recall.