Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Put down my club? Oh, you meant vote?........I thought Bernie wanted a Revolution?

   Chicago has proved exactly how tolerant the left is towards things like free speech, open debate, and open elections.

   Why does lemonade contain artificial flavors and furniture polish contain real lemons?

   I'll never understand why cartoon pictures of the sun always depict it wearing sunglasses. What exactly would it be protecting its eyes from?

   I poured his heart out and it evaporated. FML

   There should be a wrestler whose finishing move is taking the other wrestlers out for a nice steak dinner, they work hard & they deserve it

   just cracked open a book or as I like to call it "a beer"

   "Your word is 'ouija'" -could you use that in a seance?

   I used to think the word "ostracized" was "ostrich-sized" and I was always like: "Good! Keep that bird-bodied weirdo away from me!"

   To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will track you down and you will pay. You have my Word.

   Back seat drivers are all the same. It's always "This isn't the way to my house.", "Why are we going into the woods?" and "Stop the car and let me out."

   Prayer is like duct tape. If it's not working, you need to use more of it.

   Why are there never any protests at events for Hillary or Bernie? Because those people have jobs and are at work.

   The least I should get for paying all that money into 0bamacare, is a monthly update and photo of the person I'm sponsoring.

   There never any protests at events for Hillary or Bernie, because no one is listening to them idiots

   I wholeheartedly support #Nationalnappingday as a member of #allsleepmatters

   Vote for Bernie or get stuck with HILLARY for the next 8 years. GOP isn't winning anything

   It's not alright if a politician has been bought off by someone, but it is okay if they buy you off with promises of free stuff?

   Skip Pi Day instead it's Steak and BJ Day, I like my steak medium and my blow job well done.

   A perfect Monday night: 7 pm -- Ahh yes Chinese food!!! 7:15 pm -- I'm so full. 7:30 pm -- Ahh yes leftover Chinese food!!!