SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   If you emphasize the po in police they're probably already after you.

   Around here we commonly refer to our intellectual property as 'our sh!t'.

   "They're meh." --Tony the Tiger, off his Paxil for a few days

   Need to call in a hot female carpenter to fix this morning wood.

   In porn, large breasted women home alone order a LOT of pizza and never have money. They've lots to learn about nutrition & cash management.

   I only like foods that begin with the word "cheesy".

   Do I still get to be one of those uppity "I don't watch TV" people if it's just because I sold mine for methadone?

   Say what you want about Buffalo Bill but that guy had phenomenal sewing skills.

   If you are what you eat, I'm fast, cheap, and bad for you.

   Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don't trust it. Everyone knows it's impossible to drive without eating the fries.

   This is a plea for help; can we please make commercials and tv shows the same volume again?

   10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.

   "Page 404 Not Found" I wasn't even looking for page 404.

   Dictators dress to oppress.

   This kid at my nephew's birthday party sh!t his pants and got to go home. I'm seriously considering this option.

   Just choked down three bites of a gas station hot dog and now I have 7 kinds of ass cancer.

   Tracy Morgan collapsed at Sundance and is blaming the altitude. I agree. He was way too high.

   To save time, I like to show up to my doctor's appointment already wearing a paper gown.

   Every person who ever asked if they were bothering me was bothering me.

   I don't wanna speak to soon, but the new iPhone is way better at taking pictures of my wiener in the dark than the old one.