Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's been an exhausting day of pretending I'm a pleasant person.

   R.I.P to any girl that looks at Ronda Rousey's man the wrong way

   Welcome to Killadellphia, no if ands or Bots!

   Cougars should be called eager beavers.

   Go on Christian Mingle ONE TIME, and they have to perform an exorcism on the whole site?

   I just watched Bug's Life and cried the whole time I mowed the lawn.

   To the high school counselor who told me I'd never amount to anything: spot on, dude. You, sir, are a psychic.

   "Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.

   This world is getting so uptight!!... Buck Owens once had a tiger by the tail and nobody batted an eye!!

   As far as being a white man, this is the worse century to be born in. Our kids will be slaves in the next 100 years.

   "If olive oil comes from crushing olives, does baby oil come from Planed Parenthood?

   A girl named Ruth quit working at our office. I've been referring to the office as "ruthless".

   How sad Amy Schumer broke up with Kermit the frog.

   looks like Kermit the frog won't be "bringing home the bacon" anymore...

   It's been a exhausting day pretending that I worked so hard.

   Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home.

   Kermit isn't getting porked tonight.

   These days I think it would be more shocking if Bert and Ernie had split.

   I wish I can stay in my present bad mood until the end of America's presidential election; that way, I can decide who is the better candidate.

   I posed nude for an artist. He wore sunglasses and left the lights off.