Abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages

   If your a$$ had a ''Like'' button, I'd hit it!!!

   Music is my Escape from all the Bullsh!t in Life!!!

   For the first time ever Women's IQ test scores are higher than Men's!......But to keep it fair they didn't include the ''Blondes'' scores!!!

   Women are just like cartons of Orange Juice! It's not the size or shape that matters. Or even how sweet the juice is. It's getting those Fking flaps open!!!

   ''Mommy does Barbie come with Ken?'' ......''No sweetheart she comes with G.I.Joe, she just fakes it with Ken!!!''

   Think about how stupid the average person is,and then realize that half of them are stupider than that!!!

   I know we are in a seious debate on your status! And I totally disagree with everything you've said. But I can't commnt yet, because I have no idea what I' talking/arguing about, and i'm waiting for Google to load!!!

   ''See that guy over there carrying my golf bag? That's the one job i've created!!!''----President Obama

   There are only two things I want out of life! 1. Lose Weight 2. Eat!

   Michael Vick announced that he is probably going to get another Dog soon! Dogs now are like ''Meow!''

   I do not like being told what to do unless I'm naked!

   It may appear like I'm doing nothing, but i'm actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!

   I wish cake went straight to my Pen!s!!

   Due to the Economy, remember that money I said never to worry about?!!!

   No matter how old you are, how stiff, how brittle,you can always still put your foot in your mouth!!!

   I found an old coin and took it to a coin expert to examine it! He said ''This could be worth $5,000,000.00!'' After catching my breath I gasped ''Really?"' he tossed it back to me and said ''Yeah, if you use it to scratch off a winning lottery ticket!!!'

   Before ou diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not in fact surrounded by a$$holes!!!

   You know you're a Lo$er if your mom wants you to help set-up things for your twins Surprise Birthday Party!!!

   Marriage.........when dating goes way too far!

   I wsh mirrors, pictures, and what I think I look like would get together and agree on what I really look like!!!