Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ideas are cheap, execution matters.

   There should be cell phone chargers & free WiFi in waiting rooms instead of magazines & crappy TV.

   If the only text you receive all day is from your phone company saying that you've exhausted your data for the month, you ugly.

   girls that drive vans are sexy, just because you know they put out.

   Father's Day....the most confusing day in the ghetto.

   What are they going to do now if they ever do a reboot of the Dukes of Hazzard?

   some guy on the highway just flipped me off, I would have done it back but I would have had to put down my phone or candy bar. Wasn't worth it.

   girl jogging down the road in yoga pants. Of course I was checking it out. She knew to turn around and see if I was. Totally busted.

   Gardening would be a great hobby if I didn't hate plants or going outside or doing things

   Crazy how the Pointer Sisters say they're JUST burning doing the Neutron Dance like it's not a huge deal to catch fire from dancing

   I’m stoned. Either the smoke alarm is beeping or the house is backing up

   [ouija board] Who are you? *board begins spelling* G-R-E-E-N--M-A-R-I-O What the -- a Luigi Board?! W-A-H-O-O--I-T-S-A--M-E

   Sometimes, I just want to leave everything behind and get hopelessly lost. *goes to Ikea*

   The best thing about becoming a parent is that you don't have to pay $50 to get peed on anymore.

   It's time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops.

   *Nude Pic* INAPPROPRIATE *Black & White Nude Pic* ART

   I'm not really happy being a human. Is there a way to go a step back and be a monkey?

   My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.

   I hate it when people ask me what I will be doing in 5 years. Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision.

   i think facebook just set a record for the longest period of time that they haven't changed anything around on us.