Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon needs a woman to give me Blue balls to celebrate BB Kings life...
←Rate | 05-15-2015 06:31 by Twangy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do people who run marathons not know about cocaine?
←Rate | 05-15-2015 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I squat on the floor, wrap my arms around my knees, and lean forward... because that's how I roll.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 08:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
←Rate | 05-15-2015 09:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought the Mayweather-Pacquio fight was big unti just now when my wife opened the cable bill and saw I paid $100 to watch it.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 09:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going through a bunch of cute pictures of my kids to remind me why I don't keep them locked in the basement.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 09:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife just decided she will no longer be putting anything unhealthy into her body. Time for me to turn the clothes hanger back into a treadmill.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 09:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who called it "camel toe" and not... oh wait, "camel toe" was there perfect thing to call it. Good job dude who called it camel toe.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 09:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someday my kids will find my Twitter account and finally understand why we can't have nice things.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 09:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always text and drive but when I do, its because I have to share a really funny Tweet I just read to Facebook.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 09:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when you are singing along to a song and the singer gets the words wrong.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got mad at work and smashed my face into my keyboard. Looks like I wrote a new Kanye West song.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life is a very complicated drinking game.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Do you have a jelly fish sting?" "Do YOU have a jelly fish sting?" "Do YOU have a jelly fish sting" ~ R. Kelly at the beach.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friend: "Tattoos are so addicting" Me: "You drink, smoke, and watch porn all day. I don't think self-control is your thing"
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hell hath no fury" because women have it all.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Holy crap guys!!!! Only one more week until Tiffany from Facebook is in Mexico drinking with her besties!!!
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't boo at people after bad sex, how do you expect to motivate them to get better?
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [walking up to birthday party] Kid: "Dad, these are all the cool kids. Don't embarass me." Dad: "I hear ya dawg" *puts baseball hat on backwards*
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to laser noises club. Please take a pew.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:31 Comments (0)  



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