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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Coffee is my favorite coworker,,
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05-13-2015 13:55
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If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans sorry giraffe but I gotta do what's best for me..
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05-13-2015 13:58
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I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My junk is now 235 feet long.
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05-13-2015 14:00
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A badasss, is an idiot who survived.
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05-13-2015 14:20 by
jitney
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The more someone says, “you know,” the more I begin to feel better about myself.
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05-13-2015 14:21
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I love how my parents think that none of this is their fault.
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05-13-2015 15:56
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Jim of all trades was also versatile though not as well known.
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05-13-2015 18:32
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I do this move in bed called the "Karma Chameleon", where I come and go.
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05-13-2015 18:36
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I prefer to be on whichever side of the bed the sex is going to be on.
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05-13-2015 18:48
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I started to do dishes, and checked Facebook real quick, and that was two years ago.
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05-13-2015 18:54
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My new restaurant "Eat it or go to your room", makes you feel like a kid again!
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05-13-2015 21:57
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I polished my car and now I might go pleasure myself ... wax on/whacks off
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05-14-2015 00:24
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Just a reminder that no Canadian team has won the Stanley Cup since they force Nickleback on the world.
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05-14-2015 08:37
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Lasagna is a whol elot better once you realize its actually a noodle layer cake with meat filling and cheese frosting.
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05-14-2015 08:45
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Now that prom season is over parents can start focusing on what's important like graduation and their daughters next period.
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05-14-2015 09:49
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Looking for a job
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05-14-2015 11:12
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This bottle of Ny-Quil tastes like I'm drinking on the job and getting away with it
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05-14-2015 11:13
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At this point in my marriage, I'm willing to trade cunnilingus for the 15 mintues of not having to talk.
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05-14-2015 13:22
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That's some really cute pink camoflauge. Do you hunt in the Lolipop Woods or the Peppermint Forest?
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05-14-2015 13:23
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Men, I don't care about your abs, I do care if you drink lite beer. Keep the belly, drink real beer.
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05-14-2015 13:23
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