Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Coffee is my favorite coworker,,
←Rate | 05-13-2015 13:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans sorry giraffe but I gotta do what's best for me..
←Rate | 05-13-2015 13:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My junk is now 235 feet long.
←Rate | 05-13-2015 14:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A badasss, is an idiot who survived.
←Rate | 05-13-2015 14:20 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon The more someone says, “you know,” the more I begin to feel better about myself.
←Rate | 05-13-2015 14:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love how my parents think that none of this is their fault.
←Rate | 05-13-2015 15:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jim of all trades was also versatile though not as well known.
←Rate | 05-13-2015 18:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do this move in bed called the "Karma Chameleon", where I come and go.
←Rate | 05-13-2015 18:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I prefer to be on whichever side of the bed the sex is going to be on.
←Rate | 05-13-2015 18:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I started to do dishes, and checked Facebook real quick, and that was two years ago.
←Rate | 05-13-2015 18:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new restaurant "Eat it or go to your room", makes you feel like a kid again!
←Rate | 05-13-2015 21:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I polished my car and now I might go pleasure myself ... wax on/whacks off
←Rate | 05-14-2015 00:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just a reminder that no Canadian team has won the Stanley Cup since they force Nickleback on the world.
←Rate | 05-14-2015 08:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lasagna is a whol elot better once you realize its actually a noodle layer cake with meat filling and cheese frosting.
←Rate | 05-14-2015 08:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that prom season is over parents can start focusing on what's important like graduation and their daughters next period.
←Rate | 05-14-2015 09:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looking for a job
←Rate | 05-14-2015 11:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This bottle of Ny-Quil tastes like I'm drinking on the job and getting away with it
←Rate | 05-14-2015 11:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At this point in my marriage, I'm willing to trade cunnilingus for the 15 mintues of not having to talk.
←Rate | 05-14-2015 13:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That's some really cute pink camoflauge. Do you hunt in the Lolipop Woods or the Peppermint Forest?
←Rate | 05-14-2015 13:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men, I don't care about your abs, I do care if you drink lite beer. Keep the belly, drink real beer.
←Rate | 05-14-2015 13:23 Comments (2)  



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