Funny Status Messages

   south africa is the only country that will host a world even in a sport they cant play

   Experts say that today's technology is the cause of today's horrible spelling, and that it is hard to read what people are saying. Obviously those "experts" haven't evolved to develope our superior reading skills!

   my daughter asked me, who is that boy on American Idol? I said his name is Ellen Degeneres

   Just hired an body guard from an African tribe untouched by civilization.....not sure what he's doin but my friends keep disappearing.......But these steaks he makes are AWESOME!!!!

   APPARENTLY, when watching children, it's 'bad' to throw scraps of food and water down on the floor so they can fend for themselves. I don't really understand the problem since I tied they're leashes to the table leg so nothing bad would happen!!!

   my penis is so big that if I layed it out on a keyboard it would go from A to Z......wait! SH*T!

   if quitters never win and winners never quit.....who is the idiot that came up with quit while you're ahead?

   ....if you watch too much TV and become fat as a result, does that make you a TeleTubby?

   Shh! You never know who's listening....(although if you have a wireless microphone from a tv news station clipped to you, you should at least suspect that someone's listening)

   Turning his beds into bunk beds so that there is more room for activities

   calling the Secretary of State to notify them he will no longer be carrying an ID; People should know who he is!

   How do you identify Dolly Parton's children at a party? They're the ones with stretch marks around their mouths.

   The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

   Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity

   I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

   I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

   Dear AT&T Wireless, Thanks for transferring me to nine different agents with nine different accents...I am exhausted from this world-wide tour.

   A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

   girl next to me at work is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup... NICE!

   Condom says to Tampax.."You put me outta Business for 1 week a month. Tampax says to Condom..."If you don't do your job I lose mine for 9 months."