Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence... now go away...

   I was once challenged my own reflection to a staring contest. On the fourth day I won!

   always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

   I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.

   Super-genius Stephen Hawking has warned we may NOT wanna be sending out signals to contact aliens as they may not be so kindly towards us. It makes me wonder...does world government already KNOW about aliens and the reason we have a huge overabundance of

   I've got all the money I'll ever need....... as long as I die by four o'clock this afternoon.

   Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

   just found a frosty spilled all over the Wendy's bathroom floor. That must be why the guy came out sweating red in the face. I'd be mad too if I dropped my frosty!

   I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

   I'm not a fan of drama but I know a lot of people running for club president.

   I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

   The last thing I want to do in insult you... BUT it is on the LIST..

   I love Kit-Kat...unless I'm with four or more people.

   I'm taking this Cookie little Kid.. And Don't Use that Swiper no Swipping Sh*t on me because that Don't work in the Real World.Grow up!"

   If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it

   all that, a bag of chips, *and* salsa. *AND* queso.

   Just because I'm not answering, doesn't mean I'm not listening.

   not a PC and your commercials are getting on my nerves.

   As I sit I wonder is it illegal to park in a handicapped bathroom stahl?

   thinks that if plungers could talk, you wouldn't own one.