Funny Status Messages

   I'm so confused, I thought the Crip Walk was a marathon for gang members

   Awww! Isn't that sweet. Everyone's so in love... excuse me while I regurgitate.

   An Iranian cleric is blaming earthquakes on promiscuous women. He's only partially correct. For the ground to move, she needs to be on top.

   Facebook people often post things far too personal. That occurred to me while in line at the druggist getting Anusol.

   can't wait til Chad Johnson gets kicked off of Dancing with the Has-Beens so I don't have to read peoples' status updates about him...

   players never die, they just try their luck at a different table

   waiting for Pam Anderson to fall out of her dress on DWTS!!

   If you watch the Lord of the Rings backwards, it's about a little guy who gets a cool ring from a volcano and spends the rest of the time walking home.

   I drink everyday that ends in “y”, I sleep everyday that ends in “y' I wish I could say the same about sex!

   People are posting all their feelings on facebook; well you wanna know what I'm feeling… I don't wanna hear about your sh*t!!!

   Finding out "Lost" only has 4 more episodes left is like being in a bad marraige and finding out ur wife has cancer, no need for a messy divorce

   Everytime I see REAL young pop stars I'm like babybabybaby ohh wish that I was deaf

   When in doubt, mumble.

   Just realized how sad it is when people watch reality tv rather than going out and having a reality!

   Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised.

   Time flies when you throw your alarm clock across the room.

   I make serious coffee – so strong it wakes up the neighbors !!!!!!!!

   If you're one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you... dumn*ss...

   I find Reality tv very educating... Every time somebody turns on a show, I go into the other room and read a book...

   Urban Commandment: Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.