Funny Status Messages

   if we have walkie talkies then why are vacumes not call pushy suckies

   I'm going to Prehab... On the off chance that I get addictions.

   Whats the only animal with an a$$hole on the middle of its back? A police horse.

   Ladies, if your Facebook status is "It's Complicated" it's really not. It's simple, you have a sh^itty boyfriend, and you're co-dependent.

   Being real is like being a lady... if you have to tell people you are... you aren't.

   Stop everything you're doing. Think about me. You're welcome.

   According to google maps there is no such place as Cougar Town, this show is so full of $hit.

   Don'T write HAPPY BIRTHDAY on my wall...Just send ur gift to this address!!

   If I was an apple product, the name for me would be "iPlease"

   Alcohol was my dad's answer to everything. He didn't drink. He was just lousy at quizzes.

   ''Viva La Rasa''..what the hell have I just said!

   My new study method for finals is put a question on the outside of a beer bottle and the answer at the bottom

   What is a wedding tragedy?. . . To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money!!

   Dear Patron, now that you helped me gain my confidence, can you please help me find my car?

   Justin Bieber should be treated like AM radio and nobody should ever listen to them...

   The guy driving in front of me is totally following me...

   Life without chocolate is like a beach without water.

   his pants back on today and the sun is gone . Coincidence ?!! I don`t think so ;)

   thinks that the Waltons take way too long to say good night!

   ...is wondering if some other horse went all "Tonya Harding" on former Derby favorite Eskendereya...