Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   There will be no more need to worry about being on Santa's naughty list........Obama shut down the coal industry

   Someday scientists are going to discover the center of the universe and a lot of people will be disappointed to find out it isn't them.

   Herro? Time Warner????

   You can assume that, for the next 2 weeks, there is Baileys in every cup of coffee I drink.

   Today is the official day for guys to start Christmas shopping!!!!

   No thanks I am not drinking alcohol for now. I am saving myself for Christmas eve.

   This time of year there is always that one house that has like 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting at the North Pole with no survivors.

   I turned on my office light this morning....and boom....the news says North Korea has internet again, I don't think this is a coincidence

   For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea's TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...

   Joyous Festivus to the rest of us. May your feats of strength be superior and your grievances be few.

   Google has found that Ouija boards are one of this year's most popular toys. You know, because it wasn't bad enough dealing with your LIVING relatives...

   I wonder if Patrick Swayze goes up behind people in pottery classes and hugs them just to make other ghost laugh.

   I'm allergic to gluten free diets.

   I made up a new drinking/card game. Its very simple to play, you simply draw a card and if its black you take a shot. Oh yeah, I call it Ferguson.

   Just wanted to wish happy holidays to engineers of the electricals. Your postt manage to survive!

   Don't get too excited about Die-ins. They're not really dead! They're just acting like they can't take orders from police.

   A grown man should NOT know the names of the members of One Direction.....as I do.

   .Just found out former prez was hospitalized, was he covered by obamacare

   The Cosby Show. Where are they now? As far away from Billy Cosby as they can get. . .

   Attention Walmart shoppers... If you where on the bottom of the pyramid at cheer leading practice, you should not be wearing yoga pants. Thank You.