SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Wait a minute. I'm supposed to believe God is on the side of the quarterback NOT married to Gisele?

   Paula Deen selling Diabetes Drugs is like Courtney Love selling methadone.

   If I seem disinterested it's only because I'm a terrible actor.

   We now live in a culture where ppl choose their insurance providers based on who has the most comedic TV commercials.

   Dr. Phil died. I mean... he's dead to me. Close enough.

   Nothing excites me more than seeing my knife shine in the moonlight. Now I wait.

   My friend's 3 year old asked me to marry her today & I said yes, but now I don't want to. (She's mean & she dresses weird)

   I wish this conversation had GPS because you lost me about 20 words ago.

   Gotta check my undies; I just made a Joyful Noise.

   Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies is the main reason why I have trust issues.

   Happy "Most of Alabama Hates This Day" Day!

   The LIKE button: also for choosing sides in a Facebook argument without saying anything.

   Eating a Lunchable should be classified as an extreme sport.

   Stop 2nd guessing yourself! No seriously you should be 7th guessing yourself instead.

   You can call me many things but never, ever call me a 'scofflaw'. It's a stupid word.

   If antihistamines are used to make meth, then it stands to reason that meth will help my chest cold.

   What would it take to bring back fat Al Roker? I feel like we were a better America then.

   I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.

   Trying to understand quantum physics. Cause trying to understand women is just too damn hard.

   I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone's lawns so freshly mowed.