Funny Status Messages

   so turns out you CAN use lemon juice to get goats blood off of the curtains

   Dear Wendy's, I so love your delicious, frozen treat called the Frosty. May I make a suggestion? Instead of a plastic straw, could you please substitute this with a bamboo straw? I'm tired of the plastic straws collapsing on me.

   If crime doesn't pay... Does that mean my job is a crime?

   Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

   If this soo called God dwells inside of us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

   tried to join a Tourette's support group but they told me to piss off.

   Hates girls that talk about sports (genuine bandwagoners)...

   if there was any truth in advertising the new KFC Double Down would be called the Double Bypass

   If you read my mind you'll see I'm CRAZY FOR YOU ....

   Has just came from the Dr. Office and found out she has dicinititis and has been prescribed peniscillian. She cannot wait to go home and get cured.

   When you lie to everyone else. You're only lying to yourself.

   learning life lesson number 68, don't fry bacon naked!...ouch

   When I was 13, I had my first love, ASDFGHJKQWERTYUIOPZXCVBNM above!

   I fell out of my chair. This might take a while!

   people who take really good care of their farmville probably have the ugliest room

   i am not a squirrel but I do play with my nuts

   a little less conversation, a little more action please!!

   reckons alcohol contains female hormones, think about it after drinking 1) Mens speak unnecessarily 2)become very over emotionall 3)drive badly 4)stop thinking 5)FIGHT FOR NOTHING ;

   Wishing I was a mind reader!

   Kan yu knot spel?