Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you're out of high school and making min wage, you're doing it wrong.

   I wonder if Dr. Huxtable wrote his own prescriptions for roofies?

   A man was arrested in England for robbing a store not with a gun; but holding a picture of a gun. God it takes courage to be that stupid.

   Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.

   Due to extreme weather in upstate New York, some drivers were stranded in their cars for up to 36 hours. It was intense. Some of them reported hearing that new Taylor Swift song on the radio as many as 100 times....

   Don't judge you by you looks? Kinda hard when you have 50 tattoos, 30 pierceings, a stupid haircut, and a shirt that says you hate me.

   to the one asking us to learn the effing language, we are bilingual, how about you? jealous perhaps?? :D

   Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.

   Ferguson is going to kick off their black Friday shopping events with the Darren Wilson verdict.

   I met my GF online, in the grocery store. I was checking her out!

   People these days will do and say anything to divert attention from their own pathetic lives.

   UK - We call it Autumn, from the French word "autompne" and later, the Latin "autumnus" USA - WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAF FALL DOWN

   I often wondered what it'd be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...

   Love your neighbor, but don't get caught...

   When someone tries to hand me a baby, I say, "No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian..."

   God only gives you what you can handle. Really? Because I'm pretty sure I could handle way more money...

   It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they're like, "Thank you for choosing Domino's."

   As an Atheist, When someone tries to hand me a baby, I say, "No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian..."

   my anaconda be starving

   why is the wedding cake at a Portuguese wedding made out of S#it? It's to keep the flies off the bride.