Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Life is great... I don't have kids, aids or ebola.

   Look on the bright side Redskin fans...Anything is possible and maybe the Rams will trade three 1st round picks back for RGIII. ;)

   Kim Kardashian has already taught her daughter everything she knows.

   Life is more fun when you are on coffee or drunk.

   I sometimes wonder.... Is the word tofu, short for " tried-to-fool ya?"

   Should Dave Ramsey's website take credit cards?.... I wonder...

   Walked into Walmart and met a woman who had one callus on her toe. Does that make her a unicorn? Imagine that You can see unicorns at Walmart

   "Don't try to understand everything. Sometimes it is not meant to be understood, just accepted"; it means, I need money, or I'm idiot, or I'm crazy.

   Never date a woman over 35 whose cats are named after fashion designers.

   Beware the "filters on every selfie" woman.

   Kim Kardashian's daughter must be wishing she was on that missing malaysian plane

   Women may never understand the enjoyment from putting a warm coffee mug between their legs in the morning. ‪#‎warmnuts

   It's funny how a baby who wakes to eat and goes right back to sleep is a good baby yet, this is is definition of a crummy husband!

   My safe word is: I have 3 kids!

   Victoria's Secret: She vomits after every meal.

   If a baby comes out with an Afro, is that considered Natural child birth?

   I have an overwhelming urge to give the weatherman a swirly while screaming; "HERE'S A POLAR VORTEX FOR YOU BEE-OTCH!!!"

   Bill Cosby shoved pudding pops up my a$$, then things got weird.

   Why are there no mirrors in the self checkout?.....Slow people, take your time to get that jokke....

   You're just once young but you can be a fool for the rest of your life.