Funny Status Messages

   A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.

   I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

   If a womans pregnant and uses a vibrator, does the kid come out with a stutter?

   thinks fb needs a "who cares" button lolzzzz

   wishes I were more outdoorsy. Unfortunately, there are bugs outside.

   Stop everything you're doing... Think about me... You're welcome...

   Reminder: Buy low and sell high... Unless it's Pot... Then you're buying and selling high...

   Work like you don't have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at

   used the search term "the perfect job for me" on google and it laughed at me...

   told the boss today that there was no W-F-A-Y I could do the job the way he wanted me to. He said, "But there's no 'F-in-way!!" I said, "Exactly!"

   found out they sell Universal Remotes at Wal*Mart... I cant believe power like that is available to just anyone! Crazy!

   Why Yes Officer...I did see the Speed Limit sign...I just didn't see YOUR car!

   when you're gay you just walk around giving butt bumps to everybody. It's like a high-five — we call it a low two...

   Some people's noses and feet are built backwards. Their feet smell and their noses run.

   The good news is, we destroyed the Ring. The bad news is, we disrupted a hemisphere's worth of air travel and two dozen national economies... our badd...

   I'm no volcanologist but has anyone tried throwing in a few virgins?

   WOW! THATS A LOW PRICE!

   has been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog...

   Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

   thinking that Jeffrey Dahmer is the only person whose bologna really did have a first name.....