Funny Status Messages

   There's anxious, then there's me,, trying to get my tires lined up on the tracks at the car wash

   Great canned tuna fish recipe: 1-Open can of tuna fish 2-Sit can on floor 3-Yell; kitty, kitty, kitty. 4: Now, go order a pizza.

   not sure who is the bigger ahole the guy who uses a blinker and dosent turn or the one who dosent use one and turns.

   I better get some sleep. These spiders aren’t going to eat themselves.

   I got to work late this morning, so I guess I'll have to leave early to make up for it.

   Breasts are like a model train set. They were originally meant for children, but fathers always want to play with them.

   Oh no, you're not going to try and cheer me up, are you?

   anyone else having technical problems on Facebook? Just checking before I call 911...

   I'm no race car driver, but I haven't killed anyone this week. Yet...

   If you're so damn smart, why aren't you rich?

   If he doesn't with the Super Bowl this year with the Jets. Rex Ryan asked Bill Belichick to sell him one of his Super Bowl rings. . .

   "Frosted Flakes is a part of this complete breakfast,,, which is also complete if you remove the Frosted Flakes."

   Checked myself for ticks but I didn't hear anything.

   Sorry I ran you over,, but on a positive note, I get 50 extra points if I'm not mistaken, and that gets me another free guy... So there's that

   In case if emergency, your seat cushion may be used to choke that annoying crying baby closest to you.

   Marraige is a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child which cannot be handled by his parents anymore...

   Robin Williams dies and suddenly Facebook is full of people with medical & psychology degrees

   if you sneeze near an atheist they just ignore you because they know its just a natural phenomenon.

   Tony Stewart just announced he has Parkinson's Disease too.

   Poodles are just dogs that listened to too much Kenny G.