Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   sexually asulting your grandma

   that babies are a form of STD's

   I applied for a job at a mental hospital today. They said I need 24 hours experience with a retard so umm.... do you wanna hang out?

   save water...drink beer

   sum girls r made of suga and spice...my girls r made of vodka and ice!!

   im so tired and sleepy that I might just sleep off on my keyboarrrdddddddgjcklyfjhjk dk;hdktyggy;f

   feels stupid when he writes the word banana. Its like, how many na's are on this thing? ‘Cause I'm like ‘Bana … keep going.... Bananana … damn.

   saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and he thought, ‘That is cool.' But then he saw another guy wearing a leather vest and he thought, ‘That is not cool'. Then he figured it out: ‘Cool' is all about leather sleeves.

   was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when he realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

   asking those who believe in psychokinesis to raise his hand.

   loving and hating facebook -On the downside, it's loaded with sexual predators. On the plus side, it's also loaded with sexual prey.

   tried snorting coke today, but the ice cubes got stuck in his/her nose!

   wishing my mouth had a backspace key.

   The lunatics are running the asylum.

   could use a few drinks.....everyday!!

   making hyperactive mooing noises and bouncing off walls

   won't lower his standards to raise yours

   wondering what humanitarians eat.

   not completelly useless,she can be used as a bad example

   David Hasselhoff's illegitimate child