Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Inspirational thought: One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right?

   When I hear someone complain that their towns are boring with nothing to do, all I hear is a boring person who doesn't know how to have fun.

   Sometimes you have to take a deep breath & remind yourself that you wouldn’t look cute in prison clothes & smile at the jerk & walk away.

   I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?

   Just heard the gay channel have dropped the soap awards.

   I may not be that much of an importance to you but atleast I will be there when you need me

   My Laptop should come with a breathalyzer so I can't post anything after 3 glasses of wine

   Saw my ex walking down the street. Where's Tony Stewart when you need him??

   It’s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he’s getting hit by a train.

   It's nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he's getting hit by a train.

   Does anyone really believe Bobby Brown even knew what a prerogative was?

   I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

   Me: You're always so argumentative. Wife: I am NOT argumentative! Me: See?

   Since when did the bucket list turned into the bucket challenge. . .

   Be a visitee and not always the visitor... see how that works out!

   #SaveSharkWeekFromDiscovery, spread the word.

   Strange how people will judge stories like Tony Stewart, but try their damnedest to get out of jury duty...interesting.

   I'm beginning to understand why Ukraine vacation packages are being steeply discounted...

   If I've learned anything from the Kardashians... it's that I shouldn't let my complete lack of talent hold me back. Now who wants to make some porn. . .

   I remember back in the 70's when Yoga was called Twister. . .