Funny Status Messages

   According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.

   An archeolgist is the best husbany any woman can ever get. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her

   A husband's last words always has to be 'OK buy it'.

   At the bar,a girl was wearing a sleevless dress.On right arm she wrote C & on the left arm L. I asked her,what it means??? She said:"It means, COOL"...

   had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."

   The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public :-)

   I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

   Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Julia Roberts?"I said "$50,000" They called back, "How about $25,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"

   Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife

   Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.

   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"

   Yes, but keep copies." -- When my secretary asked me if she should destroy files that were over ten years old.

   txted my GF while partying in Vegas saying "Hi Huney,iam enjoying alot ,wish you were her", after that I realised what a spelling mistake could do.

   Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

   The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

   Unless life hands you water and sugar.. Your lemonade is gonna suck...

   What do you call 3 old ladies at a baseball game with a bottle of whisky? Bottom of the 5th and the bags are loaded!

   when we see the rainbow in the sky is it because this is the time for gay people to celebrate their queerness

   want to know if sex toy manufacturers have product testers?

   How can this census data be relevant when it doesn't ask whether I have a Palm Pre or an iPhone?