Funny Status Messages

   My girlfriend has a weird fetish, she likes to dress up like herself and act like a b!tch every night.

   I hate it when people repost statuses. By the way, I'm gathering rocks to throw at you.

   I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot

   How come a “drunk” girl on my facebook is able to enter her username and password correctly but when it comes to writing a status she types “90]]]]]]]]]POSPASFD@#”

   wonders if it's ironic that I have facebook open in another tab.....you do to dont you

   Have you ever had one of those days where you wish you could reverse the time and punch the person who made it that way... Me either, I am just saying..

   I showed my iPad to my iPod, and he was all "what's up fatty".

   going to keep his Facebook account but delete his real life...

   If you see a burrito running down the street screaming "RAPE", please return him to me. He is totally overreacting.

   there will never be true equality until men have to wear jockey shorts with under-wires that lift and separate.

   The best part of being me is that I'm not you...

   My lack of understanding does not compensate for your intelligence. Wait, what?

   Drinking, smoking and fatty foods are taking too long to kill me. I had to fall in love again to speed-up the process.

   Dear Physics, I don't want to solve your problems. I have my own thanks

   LIFE INSURANCE: a contract that keeps you poor so you can die rich

   If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore

   I'm guessing God had to change his password when the Mayan hacked his account and found out about 2012.

   Ahh Bud light the sweet lower calorie nectar made by mother nature

   sick and is therefore listening to The Cure.

   drinks... we drink hard... we drink loud... and we drink often. it may not be pretty, but damnit we have a good time...