Funny Status Messages

   There are fish that swim around all day with their babies in their mouth and even that fish would look at you and your mother and say... 'that's messed up'

   normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

   It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.

   wants to know how the heck paper beats rock... I know stand infront of me and I will throw a rock at you, you can protect yourself with a piece of paper...Doesn't work does it??? =P

   Trust is like a piece of paper,once its crumpled it cant be perfect!

   -- The most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position... The husband sits and begs for it while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

   Justin Bieber's songs are just about as deep as his voice...

   Velcro is a ripoff

   Tiger Woods ended his week at the Masters with an impressive 69.. His golf was also quite successful.

   Phil mickleson has by far the sloppiest titties of any professional athletes that I have ever seen.

   "You want the booth?!? You can't handle the booth!" Jack Nicholson working at Perkins

   when the roomates away, in my underwear I will stay

   What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common? They can both smell it, but can't eat it!

   I'm no Proctologist, but I know an a**hole when I see one.

   nervous about tax day, April 15. I plan to call the toll-free IRS Taxpayer Assistance Helpline and listen to the busy signal until I feel better.

   you should never brag on your spouse because as soon as you do, next thing you know they're f-ing a tattooed nazi

   You're one of those people who pushes when the door says pull aren't you?

   wondering why abbreviated is such a long word?

   women are much smarter than men.Think about it,diamonds are girls' best friend...a mans best friend is a dog.

   If there's one thing I like to rock,it's casbahs.