Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you're single and you know it pet your cat.

   Angels are just dead people who drink Red Bull.

   I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because it's never fully connected with me. And also because I caught my neighbour using it.

   Wife: Why do you always have your eyes closed when we have sex? Husband: So I don’t lose my erection?

   Helped my kid pick out a “famous past explorer” for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.

   This bottle of whiskey and I are gonna need a safe word tonight.

   Looks like Tony Gonzalez is the new Brett Favre.

   I was watching a tutorial on youtube about how to sleep but it was so boring that I fell asleep

   USA is a heavy favorite to take gold in Team Trwerking at the Olympics.

   Does anybody even really care about the Beetles?

   Don't care about Beetles...But yes, LOVE every Beatles song! P.S. learn to spell before you try to Dish someone...

   The Beatles suck!

   Stupid toothless brits

   Beetles, Beatles same diff

   Colorado has legalized both marijuana and gay marriage. Leviticus 20:13 says "If a man lies with a man as he would with a woman, they should both be stoned." Wow! I've been reading it wrong all this time.

   I went out clubbing last night. I got 5 baby seals. A new personal record.

   Funny how the russians are so anti gay, yet they got a metal in mens figure skating

   Went to the club. They played The Twist. I twisted. They played Jump. I jumped. They played Come On Eileen. I got arrested.

   “I want to see my lawyer” - grilled chicken

   If nothing else, at least his persistence is funny.