Funny Status Messages

   was given 4 E's and LSD last night… Such an awful start to a game of scrabble.

   joke of the day: So this doctor goes into work one day and asks his assistant if it was wrong to have sex with his patients. Horrified, she runs from the office and screams "OF COURSE IT IS! YOU'RE A VET!!!"

   ..wonders if some women apply their makeup with a paintbrush in the dark. Either that or the Tammy Faye Baker/Alice Cooper look is all the rage these days.

   I've been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out & my pants off but that doesn't narrow it down much.

   Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

   The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.

   thinks if you give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use facebook and they won't bother you for weeks.

   If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

   Telepath wanted...you know where to apply.

   Thank you lady from the "Help! I've fallen and can't get up!" commercials. Thank you for making me laugh with your comedic genius!

   Talk is Cheap because the supply has always exceeded the demand.

   If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

   not in a good mood, but I'll fake it 'til I make it.

   I don't know about you, but somehow I feel slightly disturbed watching the trailer for the new Karate Kid. Seeing Jackie Chan beat up a bunch of ten years olds somehow makes me feel like I should call somebody or something.

   April is Alcohol Awareness Month and being Friday and all.... tonight I will make special plans to investigate alcohol all night long... Now that I have made you aware...I have done my part !

   Friends don't let friends wear speedos. Ever. Case closed.

   If the mini skirt gets any shorter...women will have two more lips to paint, two more cheeks to powder, & a little more hair to comb"

   Did, we REALLY need a Karate Kid remake????

   says "Hhellloo iis tthiis tthhe oownnerr off ttthe sshhoop ttthhatt I ggott ttthe vvibbratttor ffromm?? Hhow ddo uu ttturrn ttthe ffucckkinn ttthingg oofff?"

   wow i'm so behind on pop culture I just now found out who that little girl on tv is and her name is justin bieber