SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   There's no such thing as 'a pair of ugly - cleanly shaven female legs' wrapped around your neck.

   Hey Science, "mission accomplished" on the b0ner pills. How about a laptop battery that will stay up for four hours.

   You think you had a bad day? Clams are getting chowdered. CHOWDERED!

   It's crazy to see how much worse celebrities looked "before they were famous" and then realize that's how you look.

   If I opened a strip club I would have the girls wear BBQ scented perfumes. So when guys came home they could say they were at a Steak House.

   Must be confusing for Sean Connery's grandchildren when he asks them to "Come sh!t on my lap."

   Those boots are made for walking? Wow, so are most boots. Give me a call when they're made for castrating antelope or something.

   Some girl just caught me staring at her crotch so I gave her two thumbs up. She only deserved one, but it's the holidays and sh!t.

   Out of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them.

   I toss and turn until 5 minutes before the alarm, then I drift peacefully off to sl--*beep*beep*beep*beep*!

   1. Vodka is made from potatoes. 2. Potatoes are vegetables. 3. Vegetables are good for you. 4. You're welcome!

   1. Vodka is made from potatoes. 2. Potatoes are vegetables. 3. Vegetables are good for you. 4. You're welcome!

   As far as I'm concerned, every Coldplay song is called "Nasal Rain."

   My new year resolution is 1024×768 pixels.

   Piercing your lip is a good way to tell the world you let people pee on you in exchange for meth.

   Dr. Drew, we're here because we love you, and we're concerned about your addiction to putting addicts on TV.

   The fact that Mitt Romney has a son named Matt Romney kinda makes you hope for 3 more sons named Mett Mott & Mutt.

   Last New Year's, people promised me that 2011 would be MY year. Those people are liars and are no longer my life coaches/psychics.

   Soon, an African child soldier will fire an M-16 while wearing a Lakers jersey with WORLD PEACE on the back.

   Wait - so we're NOT supposed to eat the Silica Gel packet?