Funny Status Messages

   Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear...

   C.R.E.A.M. - Coffee Rules Everything Around Me

   The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music...

   Leadership: The art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.

   why, hello there gin and tonic....enjoy your stay, and as usual...please feel free to as many complementary brain cells you'd like........i believe you and liver have met............

   Doctors say drinking 8 glasses of water a day keeps skin looking younger. But I say drink 8 glasses of wine a day and you won't give a damn how old you look.

   wondering why I can put my "two cents in" but I only get "a penny for my thoughts." I suspect I might be getting ripped off...

   I swear to God, if Bill Gates had a dollar for everytime I have to reboot my computer...Oh, wait. He does. :(

   for every husband who says that his wife cannot take a joke, he should remember that she took him...

   to all of my FB friends: I love you all and you are fabulous! Except for you #78; you are just an ass. You know who you are so don't even try to fake the funk...

   Farmville? Fishville? I want to play Margaritaville. All I need is: 1800 Tequila, a pop-top and a woman to blame. But if I don't get them, I know it is my own damn fault.

   I've got an empty coffee cup and no memory of drinking it. I don't put cream in my coffee, so I think that's a black out.

   saw a car today that had a sticker that said "Americans never forget". Then I remembered that Hiliary Clinton is Secretary of State so obviously we do...

   wondering why if vegetarian food is so great, everything they make is "turkey flavored" this or "chicken flavored" that.

   just saved a lot of money on my car insurance by fleeing the scene of the accident.

   an alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

   working on my taxes and has come to the conclusion that taxation WITH respresentation is not that great either...

   mastered the art of changing lanes and not running over the white reflectors in the road!

   not and alcoholic, I'm just thirtsy.

   Can people just go for a bike ride without having to dress up like some Lance Armstrong clone?