Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
How fat am I? I came to the yard literally for a milkshake. 
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid.
Breaking New's !!! This Just In: Day 9 of the government shutdown and President Obama is having a hard time trying to figure out which golf course to play at next.
Shouldn't CBS withhold episodes of NCIS and NCIS-LA for the duration of the federal shutdown?
Circulation of newspapers has fallen to all-time lows. They say newspapers are becoming obsolete. I’ll tell you how bad it’s gotten. Today I saw a homeless guy sleeping on a park bench with an iPad on his face. Read Latest Breaking News from Newsmax.
Screw Congress! Me and some drinking buddies have decided we're gonna re-open the government our way!
I'm so in debt, I could start a government!
The only thing worse than the roll out of Obamacare would be walking around barefoot in a Major League Baseball dugout....
If watching He-man cartoons has taught me anything it's that you can solve any problem with a sword.
Only you can prevent forrest fires! Seriously though because Smokey the Bear has been furloughed.
hey China, can you loan me a measly million bucks? I promise to only shop at Walmart and I will not shutdown!
FACT: Growing a beard while sleeping is the only way a man can multitask
Seat belts, aiding the view of cleavage since invention.
ATTENTION: Cheerleading practice will be located in the vacant lot behind Kohls until further notice. Please bring pom poms and make sure you're not followed
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
Starbucks is now offering something called the duffin. If you havent heard, it's a combination of a donut and a muffin. Who says America has lost its exceptionalism?
Thanks arms for being by my side. Thanks legs for all the support. Thanks fingers - I can always count on you. Now nose - why so stuffy?
One more candy crush request and I will eat all your candies and crush your nose bone - RJ
Personally, I don't find swearing offensive. I think it adds character & emphasis to a conversation. I do find, backstabbing, lying, cheating and screwing people over offensive, but not swearing.
I'm not sure how many looks of death you can get from a spouse before you actually die, but I know its more than 10. 