Funny Status Messages

   the best way to piss off your wife is to tell her her pants look too loose.....

   I can't watch Kate Gosselin on Dancing with the Stars. Whenever they swing her around the dance floor, I'm scared more babies will fly out!

   I'm not on Team Edward or Team Jacob. I'm on Team Buffy!

   I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.

   If napping was an Olympic sport I would be on a Wheaties box!!!

   the only thing not covered by the new health care bill is busting your ass

   getting ready to rock your world, so bring a change of underwear. Why? When it happens, you'll know.

   life is all about ass. Your'e either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or you live with one!

   Pfft, No pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, just a bunch of fruits

   i bet after sex that girl smokes a ham instead of a cigarette! ughh

   im on the road to riches with jus a lil bit of traffic..

   Going nite nite... if you see me in your dreams don't forget to say hello.

   believes you can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.

   My wife and I have sex DOGGY STYLE..... I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead!

   secretly wishes Michael had gone ahead and body-slammed Ryan Seacrest last night.

   Sorry, I've just been taken by surprise, am not sure when he'll bring me back.

   National Atheist's Day April 1st

   likes to think that when she squishes a spider, its final thought is, "Good. Being a spider is miserable."

   had better get to work. these scissors aren't going to run with themselves...

   has lowered his expectations to the point where they've already been met.