Funny Status Messages

   Got up this morning and thought 'it looks nice out'....so I'll leave it out.

   Played Tiger Woods PGA Tour '10 the other day. Funny thing was that the 'cheat codes' were already put into the game.

   100 people get swine flu and everyone wears a mask... 1,000 people get aids and no one wears a condom... Makes you wonder a little...

   In about 40-50 years from now, there sure is going to be a lot of old women walking around with tattooes.

   still a virgin, but this is an old status

   age has nothing to do with experience... and everything to do with ability

   Hey girl, take off your make up, maybe we know eachoter

   If you can make a girl laugh - you can make her do anything.

   I lost my virginity, can I have yours?

   It felt good to turn my lights out yesterday for Earth Day. On hindsight,i probably shouldn't have been driving at the time.

   Before that van starts a'rockin, make sure that c*ck's got a stockin'!

   Ever parked on the wrong side of the gas station, then turn the car around to realize you are still on the wrong side? Me either...

   I need some transition time from the weekend... can we drink during lunch breaks this week to get back to normal?

   I saw a K9 sheriff car with a bumper sticker that said "Got dope?"

   a womans dead body was discovered this morning with sperm in her eyes......the police say she probably saw her killer coming

   Sometimes when I see people I havent seen in a while, I think to myself... "Yeah... He's definitely been smoking crack."

   Friend: Someone who draws on your face while passed out. True Friend: Someone who posts pictures of said drawings on Facebook.

   "Hey, yall watch this sh*t." is always followed by an emergency room visit at my family reunion.

   wonders why Noah didn't kill the mosquitoes while there were only two.

   Heaven is Where: the Police are British, the Chefs are Italian, the Mechanics are German, the Lovers are French and it's all organized by the Swiss.