Mick F Funny Status Messages

   A mom knows everything about her kids...their favorite foods, friends, clothes, their school reports and their dreams. A dad is vaguely aware that there are some short people staying in the house with him.

   Someday, I hope to disappoint a burglar with my one and only possession. A kitchen drawer filled with Taco Bell sauce packets.

   An old guy asks his pharmacist about V*agra. The pharmacist says it works great. The old guy asks him if he can get it over the counter. The pharmacist said yes, if he takes six.

   My buddy got a cheap hooker. He paid ten dollars and woke up the next day with crabs. He saw the hooker and complained. She said, "Whattya want for ten bucks, lobster?!"

   I would love to see things from your point of view, but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass

   I keep playing my Highway to Hell cd over and over. I think I have OCDC.

   I told some guy his fly was open. He asked me if I noticed a soldier standing at attention. I said. "No, I saw a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

   My dog ate a whole bottle of Tums. I freaked! I called the Vet and asked him what I should do. He said to take him out for Mexican.

   A guy is on a tightrope between two skyscrapers. Another guy is getting a smokejob from a 90 year old lady. What are they both thinking?...Don't look down.

   It's a Paleontological fact that T-Rexes were so vicious because their arms were too short for them to masturbate.

   Trying to get someone to agree with your political or religious viewpoint, is as futile as trying to convince a mother that her baby isn't the cutest thing ever.

   Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!

   Adam and Eve had an ideal relationship. He didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well Adam's mother cooked.

   New Yorkers get such a bad rap for being rude. I was visiting relatives in Manhattan, and some guy walked up to me and asked, "Excuse me,can you tell me how to get to the Empire State Building, or should I just go f**k myself?"

   Pringles. A real chip wasn't good enough. So they smash a potato, add chemicals, add liquid, turn it into a paste, then put it in a mold where it is artificially made to resemble a real chip, but with no flavor. Then put 'em in a tennis ball can

   Some guy says to his teenage daughter “There are two words I'd like you to drop from your vocabulary. One is ‘awesome' and the other is ‘gross'.” “Okay,” she says, “what are they?”

   How many women with PMS does it take to change a lightbulb? Seven. Why? COS IT JUST DOES OKAY......!!!!!!!!

   cont'd: I do not like your top news trends, instead of recent news from friends. It was just fine, but now it's pus, don't make us jump to Google Plus!

   Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.

   There's nothing that irks me more than guys fawning all over a hot, yet insecure dysfunctional actress type on facebook, as if they're gonna "get some". It's like watching people kissing the a$$ of a train wreck.