Funny Status Messages

   'I like my men like I like my coffee... ground up and in the freezer.'

   I like my women like I like my coffee...tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through the Andes behind a donkey.

   its so cold outside I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets

   do some people have common sense!We are classmates then you send me a request to be your fan!not even friend,FAN!stupid twat!Go jump off a cliff!

   Why do we always have to lose an hour on the weekend to make it shorter? Why cant Spring forward happen on a Friday afternoon so we can leave work earlier for happy hour?

   It may look like i'm doing nothing but at the cellular level i'm actually quite busy.

   eating his cocoa puffs and when I am done I will drink the chocolate milk!!! yeah that's right that's how I roll!

   be nice to me.. with minimum effort I can make things very very difficult

   doesn't think that it was ever Benjamin Franklin's intention for us to give up an hour on a Saturday night... What's wrong with giving up the hour on Monday?

   Pls work on your lyrics Rihanna.. B'coz men hate it when you say the same things again and again. No wonder you got hit by Chris Brown.

   The only reason Rihanna repeats everything in her songs is so noone will notice if the record skips during a concert like Milli Vanilli.

   says"why buy the cow when you can get milk for free?"

   Last time I was at the hospital lab they asked for a urine sample. I said " No more samples! Either you buy it or you don't! I can't just go giving away free samples every time I come here."

   Why get stuck with the whole pig just for a little sausage?

   a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.

   Ladies, when you expect a guy 2 be completely honest with u, I laugh. you women wear heels- UR not that tall, you wear makeup- you don't look like that, you color you hair- UR not a blonde. Everything about you is a lie & you expect a man to tell you the

   If a guy takes Viagra and his erection does last more than 4 hours, do you HONESTLY think he calls his doctor to complain or does he go through his phone and line up his booty calls???

   used Tag bodywash this morning and was looking forward to a goodtime before work. Unfortunately, no girls busted through walls or outran cheetahs to ravage me, dammit.

   thinks it should be illegal to do construction, mow, and/or weed whack before noon.

   Man, my supervisor should've called in sick today, I think he has diarrhea of the mouth.... that's right, he can't stop talking s#*t!