Funny Status Messages

   ┌∩┐(◣..◢)┌∩┐ father time.....for running fast when I want you to run slow(fri sat sun) and running slow when I need you to run fast(mon-fri 7am-3 pm) I lost track of 10 hours today.

   So it's mothers day and I had trouble deciding what to get my mother-in-law I couldn't choose between a Toyota Prius or a holiday in Haiti, so eventually I plumped for luging lessons in Vancouver.

   God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made MOTHERS! :)

   Man who walks through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.

   honestly think Kentucky can beat a NBA team

   The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch.

   goin on the springer show and earning her beads

   An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth.

   Call the Nestle Hot line at 1-800 295-0051 When asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish, wait quietly for about 10 seconds and you will smile. Keep going and press 4. Then press 7. Don't give away the surprise.

   I know when I'm cranky, because everyone around me starts acting like idiots.

   I honestly believe if there was a fan page or group in favor of dog poop mixed with rotten fish eggs being thrown at the elderly, people would join, if for no other reason but to click something.

   Who are you calling a coodie queen, you lint licker?

   Daylight savings time will give me an excuse for showing up for work 10 minutes late!

     Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!!!

   so for you Toyota drivers.... if you get pulled over for speeding all you have to say to the officer.... Have you watched the news lately?

   Thinks the person who came up with the phrase "some assembly required" never tried to assemble anything!

   refuses to spring forward....If I am not there in an hour, then you come looking for me.

   Don't run from a sniper. You'll only die tired.

   How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a pinky monkey named Spunky ran into the forest and chucked all the wood before the woodchuck could?

   You can't spell "culture" without "cult".