anonymous Funny Status Messages

   When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

   never killed a man that didn't need killing.

   having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not hanging around with Damon The Infidel

   Tough decisions... Beat off in the shower and waste water or use Kleenex and add to landfill? What can I say? I love Mother Earth and big titties

   text from a female: "Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless."

   Shouldn't the fortune in every fortune cookie be "You are about to eat a stale cookie?"

   Something you never hear in the news: "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North."

   When I was a kid I used to trick the tooth fairy with kidney stones

   running around robbing banks all wacked on the scooby snacks..!!

   a date with 2 Girls from 1 Cup

   went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

   browsing tube8.com... Haha! I know you will open it.

   not gaining weight, he's retaining food!

   calculating the square root of tomorrow

   "kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken!"

   believes that just thinking about acupuncture is pointless.

   wouldnt be caught dead with a necrophiliac!

   stuck in the moment and he can't get out of it...

   guesses Chris Brown sure taught Rihanna how to breathe with "no air"

   As I'm getting older I've noticed my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used