zinc Funny Status Messages

   My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

   With fewer toothpaste choices on the market now, maybe those 5 dentists can finally agree.

   You act like I was drinking alone...but I had the entire Verizon network with me

   Michael Phelps probaby just threw away any of his medals that weren't gold.

   If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates - Jay Leno

   Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. - Nikita Khrushchev

   When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. - Clarence Darrow

   Mmmmm. . .pi.

   I was just driving behind a car covered in pro life stickers and I thought "Man, that car hates abortion". Then it dawned on me that I don't know my car's political views. What if my car is a Republican? Or a racist? Maybe I don't want to know. I like my

   Please put this on your status if you know someone, are related to, and/or adore someone who has ADD or ADHD. 93% of peo oh snap is that a dog outside?

   Earlier today I looked at the car next to me, and I saw the driver texting while driving. How dangerous! I was so shocked I almost dropped my guitar.

   I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy.

   perfectly capable of lying about whether or not he likes big butts.

   4/04 Day Not Found.

   Whenever anyone mentions something about a vicious cycle, I imagine an evil bike that can't stop killing.

   I just drank some food color, now I think I'm dyeing inside.

   COPY THIS AS YOUR STATUS AND SEE WHAT PEOPLE RATE YOU. | 1. Perfect | 2. Perfect | 3. Perfect | 4. Perfect | 5. Perfect | 6. Perfect | 7. Perfect | 8. Perfect | 9. Perfect | 10. Perfect | 11. Perfect | 12. Perfect | 13. Perfect | 14. Perfect | 15. Perfect

   Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, "Hey, at least I'm not pregnant." And I know happy days are around the corner. --daniel tosh

   i was winning egg hunts before I was even born

   I need to get my life together. I spilled Life cereal all over the counter!