mickeybruce Funny Status Messages

   beauty is power, and a smile is its' sword.

   I have no problem with allowing Michael Vick to play in the NFL. However, if he ever suffers a career ending injury, he should be "put to sleep" immediately

   a computer allows you to make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history... with the possible exception of handguns and tequila

   making my own four loko in a blender: a bottle of vodka, 4 red bulls, a bottle of cherry nyquil and a McRib. I'll be in the bathroom if you need me.

   ohh yeahh... the sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette

   not superstitious. maybe just a little stitious

   sometimes I wish I had more asses to tell people to kiss!

   someday I'll sit down with my grandchildren to watch "Airplane" and they'll say, "I can't believe they used to just let people get on planes"

   supports the whole Movember concept but thinks it should be changed to Manuary

   has to go pee. and soon, or it's gonna be a BP

   wonders if there's an alternative to mistletoe. one that allows punching.

   San Francisco bans toys in Happy Meals.... Mayor McCheese vows to "Take it to the Supreme Court, if necessary"

   Michele Bachmann pulls so many bogus statistics out of her ass that she has to spend $200 million a day on Preparation H

   not many people know that Albert Einstein had a brother that an evil scientist used to experiment on. His name was FrankEinstein

   heard on the news that Justin Bieber won like 2 million awards last night but he's only sold 4 CDs. wtf?

   ...nice mouth on that Palin kid: I know somebody who needs to buy a new keyboard 'cuz the S, T, F, and you are completely worn out!!

   so I guess it's officially ok now, when you use a condom, to refer to it as "the pope hat"

   I'm a little bit hungry. I could eat a pony

   does anybody actually say "booyah" anymore? I think those letters should be separated and granted restraining orders against each other

   Mr. Peanut's last words: Bye, dear. Back in a Jif.