SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck!

   The best things in life are free……for the first 90 days.

   Everyone hits a brick wall now and then, the trick is not to do it with your head.

   I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.

   Ever get the feeling you're living in a snowglobe someone won't stop shaking?

   I advise you not to mess with me.. I know karate, kung fu, taekwondo, judo, jujitsu, and 47 other dangerous words.

   Last night I found an unopened can of warm Bud Light on the floor of a cab. I'll answer your question with a question. Did I have a choice?

   - If Washington raises the debt limit, they should buy every American a Bud Light and charge it to China.

   Most cocaine addicts don't even like cocaine, they just use it as an excuse to put dollar bills up their nose.

   The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.

   In today's economy, a picture is only worth about 250 words.

   All I heard was, "I swear it'll be funny"... Then we were in jail.

   There's too much emphasis put on winning in life. I'm just trying for a participation ribbon.

   The thermostat outside ran out of numbers and is just showing a picture of Halle Berry. THAT'S how hot it is outside.

   Why do I feel like the garbage can in my house is a game of Jenga & nobody told me we were playing??

   There needs to be more "damn it I missed my exit" exits.

   Don't think of yourself as a failure, think of yourself as unspoiled by success.

   I hope to someday live in a world where we all remember which side the gas tank is on.

   Maybe if they turned the economy off and then turned it back on it might run better. Works for my computer.

   Attention guy walking two feet behind me down the entire block even though we're the only people on this street: I will stab you in 10 feet.