Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   There are hundreds of languages throughout the world but a smile speaks them all! ◕‿◕

   A girl is always RIGHT....Just sometimes confused, misinformed, rude, stubborn, senseless, unchangeable, and even downright stupid but not WRONG.

   accidentally swallowed some food colouring yesterday. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

   thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.

   Have you ever watched birds and wondered: "If I could fly who would I crap on first?"

   was thinking about starting a facebook addiction group, but wouldn't that be like starting an alcoholics annonymous at a bar?

   A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a tiger wood.

   not a stalker. Look! Here's a picture of you in the shower... am I in it? Nooooo!

   Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

   Did you know that when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm out and smack 'em in the head?

   Unfortunetley for me, mirrors dont talk. Lucky for you, they dont laugh either.

   doesn't have a girlfriend, but he does know a woman who'd be mad at him for saying that.

   My career plans were much more exciting when I was five.

   I always wanted to be somebody. Now I realize that I should have been more specific.

   would be more willing to accept people for who they are if they were more like how I wanted them to be.

   I wonder what the person who discovered milk was doing with the cow...

   Sex is like air... it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

   I want a Toyota even more than before. Now if you get pulled over you can blame the accelerator!

   a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.

   If a guy takes Viagra and his erection does last more than 4 hours, do you HONESTLY think he calls his doctor to complain or does he go through his phone and line up his booty calls???