Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   If you're nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you're nice to a woman, who the hell knows what's gonna happen.

   This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.

   Everyone loves "sexy mom" except her kids

   Entering 2013 the same way I entered this world! Naked crying, and alone. (Adoption Joke gone way wrong)

   Hail Mary, full of grace, put Notre Dame in second place.

   Some People are Morning People, I am a Never People. *

   if Da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20125215-00854.jpg"

   Going to sleep with a t-shirt on is a great way to wake up knowing what a crocodile death roll feels like

   Found a gray nose hair. Transformation to Gandalf: 1% complete.

   ".. So he sayeth unto me 'Taketh NyQuil with the Wine and Ye shall feel the path with your thoughts and hear things with your vision.'"

   Manti Te'o watches Clint Eastwood speaking to an empty chair *nods approvingly*

   Manti Te'o wasnt missing tackles in the National Championship, he was hugging his girlfriend.

   I bet the kids on Africa are really getting tired of all those leftover Patriots Championship t-shirts.

   I have been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions

   I am never too busy to draw a d!k on a foggy window

   Im a wreck to be forcened with.

   Doesn't North Korea understand that these grand threats will result in a harsh musical rebuke from Toby Keith?

   Ashley Madison is my favorite cheating website named after the two most spoiled girls in every 4th grade class.

   Even though she never existed, Brent Musberger is hoorny for Manti Te'o dead girlfriend.

   Ron Jeremy has got to be disappointed in the nurses he’s seeing.