lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   What did the blonde get on the I.Q. test? Nail varnish.

   I bought a cheese grater for Stevie Wonder. He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.

   Time flies when you throw your alarm clock across the room.

   I walked into my local newsagent and noticed he put a "NO READING IN THIS SHOP!" sign up. So I grabbed four bars of chocolate and said "Which one of these is a KitKat?"

   not a PC and your commercials are getting on my nerves.

   Greeting cards are for people who mean every word someone else said.

   Why did the chicken cross the roa... *thump*thump* Nevermind.

   Telling my nephew that leprechauns store their gold in electrical sockets and that he'd need a fork to get it out probably wasn't a good idea.

   I met this girl who was so ugly that Facebook banned her profile pic and sent her back to Myspace.

   "Man Falls Off Bridge While Urinating" Authorities are still trying to figure out what pissed him off.

   Kansas wheat farmer awoke to find both his wife & only tractor missing from his farm. Detectives believe the two disappearances are connected,as police have found both a Dear John and a John Deere letter.

   I'm so exhausted from my French self-defense course. I've never had to run so far in all my life!

   73% of men don't know what a cookie is. But 99% know how to delete them.

   An Eskimo in the North Pole was arrested on suspicion of murder. Police want to know what he was doing on the night between September and March.

   ..loves to wake up with her partner snoring her little heart out behind me...

   Z is the last letter in the alphabet because it overslept.

   I don't know who example555@hotmail.com is but I wish he would stop using my MSN Messenger.

   It's easy to get people dancing at parties. Just hold up the line for the bathroom.

   Life is like a game of cards. If you don't have a partner, you better have a good hand.

   There's a fine line between hyphenated words.