Aaron Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Only you can prevent forest fires, and last year there was over 70,000 of them. What the f**k man. We trusted you.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 01:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby. He'd be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you'll have the element of surprise.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 01:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
←Rate | 07-14-2011 01:18 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.
←Rate | 07-16-2011 20:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many 5 Hour Energy drinks do I need to take to live forever?
←Rate | 07-18-2011 18:51 by Aaron | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Neighbor asked if I knew anything about the clothes that were missing from his clothesline. I was so nervous I almost crapped his pants.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 14:22 by Aaron | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to wear a parachute on airplanes and act smug during turbulence.
←Rate | 07-21-2011 00:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Say what you want about drunk people, but at least they've had all their shots.
←Rate | 07-23-2011 02:26 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
←Rate | 07-27-2011 20:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw this guy drowning so I threw him a life saver. His last words were, "what is this.. candy?"
←Rate | 07-28-2011 22:35 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm the go to guy when it comes to going to a guy to find out what guy to go to.
←Rate | 08-04-2011 21:25 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's taken me awhile but I think I'm finally ready to accept that it's not butter
←Rate | 08-07-2011 02:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Million Dollar Idea: A pot pie. Only bigger. And filled instead with fruit. Apples perhaps.
←Rate | 08-07-2011 02:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is the media so negative? Instead of "Polar Bear Kills Alaskan Teen", why not "Alaskan Teen Feeds Starving Polar Bear"?
←Rate | 08-07-2011 19:03 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once had a goldfish that would hump the carpet, but only for about 30 seconds.
←Rate | 08-08-2011 16:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't wanna brag but that was the most perfectly executed 16 point turn of my life.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 18:42 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.
←Rate | 08-19-2011 13:23 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?
←Rate | 08-19-2011 13:24 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
←Rate | 08-19-2011 13:25 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was just a 5.8 earthquake in Washington. Obama wanted it to be 3.4, but the Republicans wanted 5.8, so he compromised.
←Rate | 08-23-2011 15:15 by Aaron Comments (0)  



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