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Aaron Funny Status Messages
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Page: 23 of 31
Only you can prevent forest fires, and last year there was over 70,000 of them. What the f**k man. We trusted you.
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07-14-2011 01:17 by
Aaron
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Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby. He'd be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you'll have the element of surprise.
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07-14-2011 01:17 by
Aaron
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You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
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07-14-2011 01:18 by
Aaron
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I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.
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07-16-2011 20:49 by
Aaron
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How many 5 Hour Energy drinks do I need to take to live forever?
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07-18-2011 18:51 by
Aaron
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Neighbor asked if I knew anything about the clothes that were missing from his clothesline. I was so nervous I almost crapped his pants.
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07-19-2011 14:22 by
Aaron
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I like to wear a parachute on airplanes and act smug during turbulence.
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07-21-2011 00:04 by
Aaron
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Say what you want about drunk people, but at least they've had all their shots.
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07-23-2011 02:26 by
Aaron
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On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
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07-27-2011 20:46 by
Aaron
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Saw this guy drowning so I threw him a life saver. His last words were, "what is this.. candy?"
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07-28-2011 22:35 by
Aaron
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I'm the go to guy when it comes to going to a guy to find out what guy to go to.
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08-04-2011 21:25 by
Aaron
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It's taken me awhile but I think I'm finally ready to accept that it's not butter
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08-07-2011 02:17 by
Aaron
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Million Dollar Idea: A pot pie. Only bigger. And filled instead with fruit. Apples perhaps.
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08-07-2011 02:19 by
Aaron
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Why is the media so negative? Instead of "Polar Bear Kills Alaskan Teen", why not "Alaskan Teen Feeds Starving Polar Bear"?
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08-07-2011 19:03 by
Aaron
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I once had a goldfish that would hump the carpet, but only for about 30 seconds.
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08-08-2011 16:21 by
Aaron
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I don't wanna brag but that was the most perfectly executed 16 point turn of my life.
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08-15-2011 18:42 by
Aaron
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My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.
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08-19-2011 13:23 by
Aaron
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Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?
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08-19-2011 13:24 by
Aaron
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Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
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08-19-2011 13:25 by
Aaron
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There was just a 5.8 earthquake in Washington. Obama wanted it to be 3.4, but the Republicans wanted 5.8, so he compromised.
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08-23-2011 15:15 by
Aaron
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