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yesterday I said I was gonna FML...i did....but I forgot protection...now i'm screwed 
will listen, if you'll talk about me...
Warning for all you weekend basketball league playing guys: Be leary of the guy who smacks you on the butt and says "Nice shot, man!" when you didn't even take a shot...
just had a very interesting conversation with the mirror.
It dont get no better, it just get different
It does'nt matter how hot she is,,, there is someone else out there who is sick of her $h!t
remembers when Vampires were Scary, not Sexy...
A box of kittens is more scary then the vampires of Twilight.
Refuse's to watch anything twilight or new moon, for the same reason he does not eat anything soy, He's afraid what too much estrogen might do to his body.
Refuse's to watch anything twilight or new moon, for the same reason he does not eat anything soy, He's afraid what too much estrogen might do to his body.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to talk and walk,then the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.
I caught my daughter playing with the power outlet. She gave herself quite a shock. I had to ground her.
thinks that some days it would be nice to build a life size "Whack-a-Mole" game, and choose 9 lucky people to put in it!
After much prayer and months of careful thought, I have decided the next season, season 25 will be the last season of the Oprah Winfrey Show.
i named my two goldfish 1 and 2, because if 1 died I still had 2
so I slept on a park bench last night..no hobo
if you bet an emo kid 20 bucks that he won't kill himself, you'll either be 20 bucks richer or break even
Santa..he's pretty lucky..cuz he knows where all the naughty girls are at..that's why he's so jolly you see?
oral sex is a lot like smoking a cigarette...the flavor gets stronger the closer you get to the butt....
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