g0re Funny Status Messages

   What if P Diddy was actually called Pete Diddy and we just misheard him and now he just goes with it because it's too late to correct everyone, but every night he goes home and cries and whispers to himself "My name is Pete".

   Jesus can walk on water. Humans are 75% water. I can walk on humans. Therefore, I am 75% Jesus,

   Math tells us of the 3 saddest love stories: Of parallel lines, who were never meant to meet. Of tangent lines, who were together once then parted forever. And of asymptotes, who could only get closer and closer, but never could be together.

   When girls impersonate guys, they make their voice deeper and add a "stupid" tone to it. When guys impersonate girls, we make our voice go an octave higher and add an attitude.

   I hate it when your girlfriend asks you to hold her handbag, and it doesn't match what you're wearing.

   While Lebron is playing for the East, his mom was riding the West.

   What do Amish people and homeless people have in common? They can't read this.

   "Knock, knock," "Who's there?" "To.""To who?" "To whom."

   When Hermione's true love left her, she continued on to help Harry defeat the most powerful wizard of all time. When Bella's true love left her, she curled up in the fetal position for four months, cried, and jumped off a cliff..

   "Knock knock." "Who's there?""Dave." "Dave who?" Dave holds back tears as he realises his mother's Alzheimer's is getting worse.

   I find it rude and inconsiderate that my grandchildren haven't time- traveled to come and visit me.

   Fastest way to get through a crowd: Walk fast, look worried, and yell"Timmy? TIMMY?! WHERE ARE YOU TIMMY?!".

   There were 2 cows in a field. One cow says ''Moo." The other cow replies,'Shut the f*ck up you uneducated twat'',

   I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.

   I am not really scared that the world will end on 12/21/2012...I"m just scared of what crazy things people will do on that day.

   New rule: if you're watching tv and have no idea what the f*ck is going on, it's a car commercial.

   Instead of playing hard to get, play hard to forget.

   Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."

   Why does Obama give his speeches behind bulletproof glass? Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anybody/

   Why are you sending this chain mail to me? I'm dead from the last one you sent.