KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   I'm surprised more workplace violence isn't motivated by the vending machine's refusal to accept a dollar bill.

   Sometimes I wonder, "Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

   I don't need your permission to correct you if you're wrong.

   What happens on Facebook stays on Facebook, forever!!!

   Now is the later I avoided earlier.

   It's called ''Honeymoon'' because sooner or later, you wish you were on the moon far away from the devil disguised as ''Honey'' you just married.

   Rub her the wrong way and she'll scream AT you. Rub her the right way and she'll scream FOR you!

   I love it when a girl tell me she is not a slut and then 2-hours latter I've got her feet behind her ears while screaming my name.

   Pregnant women look so happy. It's like they don't even know what's going to happen.

   Quick, die! I'll explain later.

   Nobody cleans a house faster than a guy expecting sex.

   Whatever happened to that little girl from The Ring, did she grow up to be Kristen Stewart?

   It's probably tough being black these days, having to memorize all those handshakes

   This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she's made some serious mistakes in her past.

   Ladies; He may need a soft place to land when he falls, but it helps if that soft place is also tight and wet.

   'You always make mistakes with your first one.' - True of children and marriages.

   The day Rick Ross jumps into the crowd will be the day we find out who his LOYAL fans are.

   She asked if I had any experience operating heavy equipment, there's smoke coming from her v@gina now.

   Whatever doesn't kill you makes me angrier.

   Ladies, it's football season. Time to dust off your vibrat0rs.