Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   The woman in front of me in the checkout line wrote an actual check. I assume she then boarded her carriage and returned to her plantation.

   You say potato, I say Rocky Dennison.

   pounding vicobeer at 11 in the morning!

   They say your body is your temple. My body is more like a Popeye's, everything is fried inside & everything is scary outside.

   I think I'm going to start taking steroids. I don't care about muscles, I just want to be able to cross my legs more comfortably.

   The passing out bit and the snoring is actually part of it, so yeah, a man's org@sm is so much longer than a woman's.

   It's gotten to the point where I can't get off unless they say "please pull forward to the first window"

   Salt-n-Pepa probably have salt-n-pepa pubes by now.

   It's a good thing most mens rooms have changing tables because sometimes I need to lay down after I poop.

   If you haven't celebrated Cinco de Mayo with a sink full of Mayo while each person bobbs for Mexican midgets than you are doing it wrong.

   Sometimes we must destroy something in order to rebuild it stronger, which is why drinking and liver regeneration are part of my regime.

   Dont be jealous of me... If you had to walk a mile in my shoes, you'd probably need a year of therapy

   I know I overdo goodbyes to the Ladies. They dont all have to end in a slow dance to "Careless Whisper".

   Of all the things I pictured happening to me today, accidentally giving myself a facial while m@turb@ting was no where on that list.

   I break out into so many random, and quite frankly, brillant dance moves in my kitchen I'm shocked I'm not StepUp-famous.

   You know you are in the ‘hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”

   My ex assured me that size never matter, but all of her dild@s look like they needed a lamp shade on top.

   "Parkinson's" is a way better name than what it was first called in the 70's - "Involuntary Boogie Party".

   When I die, I want My body to be thrown out of a plane wearing a Superman costume.

   I'm confused...someone just said the disco queen died, but John Travolta appears to still be alive.