Vitamin N Funny Status Messages

   iPad...for when you have your iPeriod

   hates it when he asks someone a question and they start their answer with "Honestly?"......No! Please lie to me, that's what I was hoping for.....idiots!

   Someone stole all my Credit Cards but, I won't be Reporting it.....The Thief spends Less than my Wife did.

   Schizophrenic...and So am I

   Officially out of Liquor Stores within a 25km radius that don't Recognize me as soon as I walk in the door...

   Sometimes I think that the only reason that the United States goes to War with countries is to help American kids learn Geography...before the War, how many of them could tell you where Afghanistan is?

   1) Go to Google Translate 2) Type in “Will Justin Bieber ever hit puberty” 3) Translate: English to Vietnamese 4) Copy & paste the Vietnamese words back into translator 5) Translate: Vietnamese to English 6) Laugh Uncontrollably!!

   There is Breast Cancer, be Aware of it.......There! Doesn't that promote Breast Cancer Awareness a lot better than writing the name of a Fruit or the Colour of your Bra as your Facebook status?!?

   Call me when there's a Royal Honeymoon video....

   Dear Moammar Gaddafi, Let Bin Laden be a message to you. If you do not stop, the United States will get you.......in 10 years...

   How is it that Obama can send a team into another country, kill a man, dump the body in the ocean then go on TV and tell the World about it and everyone cheers...but, if I punch some jerk in the face, I'll go to jail...

   thinks it's kind of cruel that those people who fought in WWII and survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray are now referred to as 'Seasoned Veterans'....

   Just learned that you're supposed to Urinate on a Jellyfish Sting and NOT on a Jelly Roll Stain.......Sorry Sir.

   Man Fact: Even if a Man notices that another Man's fly is down, he will Never tell him out of fear of the follow-up question, "Why are you looking there?"....

   Resistance is Not Futile...it's Voltage divided by Current

   The ability to get Pregnant is a Genetic trait. Scientific evidence shows that if your Parents never had any Children then neither will you...

   My heart goes out to all those Frustrated people who are Stuck in Traffic, on their way to the Gym to ride Stationary Bicycles...

   Romeo and Juliet is Not a Love Story... It's a 3-Day relationship between a 13 year-old and a 17 year-old that caused 6 Deaths. Sincerely, -Everyone who actually Read it.

   I Love when my Friends help to Identify themselves as Technologically-Retarded Idiots by changing their Status to: "WOW I cant believe that you can see who is viewing your Profile!"...

   Over Six Billion Dollars were spent on this Election Campaign, so that Americans can be in the exact same place they were in Before it started. Well done, America... Well. Done.