Joseph Robert Funny Status Messages

   You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles

   I wonder if the people that voted for Obama are the same people that voted for Sanjaya on American Idol?

   On a scale of 1-10 I give this day a middle finger

   Oxiclean commercials just aren't the same without Billy Mays. Also late night tv needs more Vince from Shamwow. That hooker prob had it coming

   Bacon is meat candy

   carrying a Coach purse, driving a few years old Lexus and paying for your food order with your Access card! I hope you get herpes. Meanwhile I will try and get by on unemployment you f'n baby factory.

   Annie was an orphan because she was a filthy, disgusting, ginger child who wouldn't stop singing

   The McRib is like the undead of the sandwich world, it keeps coming back. #ZombieFood!

   Dear girls at the gym, skinny doesn't fix ugly

   The only candy I'm interested in tonight swings from a pole and has daddy issues

   Breasts, great on chicks, AND turkeys

   I bet shady people have a really hard time getting tan

   I like to go to parks and watch the children run around because they don't know I'm using blanks

   gues she finally exhaled

   Marsha Brady is gonna freak when she finds out that Davy Jones died

   I bet Carroll Shelby went from Alive to Dead in less than 10 seconds

   when I'm feeling athletic, I go to a sports bar

   The desire to roll around in mud while getting tasered and scraped by barbed wire early in the morning eludes me. It sounds like rough sex without the safe word. #NoThanks

   Does anyone else remember the day when you found out your parents had other names besides mom and dad? How crazy was that?!

   Saying that an iPhone is the best phone because of the battery life is like saying my bicycle is the best car when it comes to fuel economy.